What a fantastic creation that links the world together and allows access to information at the click of a mouse.
"Who won the first world series?"
Answer: The Boston Americans (Later renamed the Boston Red Sox).
"How many packets of Kool-Aid would it take to fill the ocean?"
Answer: 732 quintillion packets "Oh Yeah!"
Google is also incredibly successful. As of 2011 Google's net worth is $190 Billion dollars.
To put that into perspective, if you were to produce the movie Avatar, buy the world's most expensive house (Antilla), buy a private island, A Private Jet, and a Tiger, then donated $300,000,000 to charity, and purchase The Batmobile (The Dark Knight Version), You would still have $188 Billion dollars left over.
Google is so popular that it is now a verb (examples: Google the answer, Google the site, I just googled myself).
Speaking of googling myself, that is another amazing thing that Google supplies us with,
immediate self-masterbatorial narcissism. With a simple click you can search all of the information the internet has about YOU! Where you live, your facebook page, and even links to your blog.
The final item that Google is good for, apparently, is porking me in the ass.
You must be confused.
"But Neil, you were just saying what a great invention Google was. Why are you being so negative toward Google now?"
Well, let me tell you.
Yesterday when my wife googled my name she found something interesting.
She found this:
Now you probably don't see anything wrong with
this picture...so let me narrow it down for you.
What you see in that picture is a link to a website called www.icelebsdb.com
From what I can gather, www.icelebsdb.com is a bullshit site.
It is a fake site that takes information from anyone who has an IMDB.com page and then post it on their website in order to link it to a celebrity porn site.
So now, when you google search my name a link pops up and claims to have "Nude Pi
ctures" and "Naked Hot Scenes" of me. And on the first page. Make no mistake...it's me that they are talking about. They have my full name, birthdate, and home town on record.
So, obviously there are no nude photos of me on the internet.
I mean seriously, the closest thing to a nude photo I even have is this...
And while I am flattered that they have lowered the standard of the word "celebrity" to include this pudgy, 26-year-old college student, I don't appreciate a site claiming to have nude photos and videos of me. The funny thing is...why are they using my name to promote their site, and is that strategy even working?
In all seriousness, if they wanted nude photos, all they had to do was ask.
Obviously this is a recent picture.
I really don't know what my legal recourse is here, but for the moment I guess I could find the server that houses the site and hope to God it's in the U.S. Maybe the site will be short lived and get shut down by people even more famous than myself. Or, for now anyway, I could just leave it be and use it as a conversation piece.
I can see it now: I'm somewhere in time and space, talking to a prospective client or colleague and when that inevitable dip in the conversation happens, I can pull out my ace in the hole: "Hey, (insert prospective client or colleague here) if you Google my name you will find a fake link to non-existent naked pictures of me."
Then we all laugh and become friends.
Or something like that.