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I love music, books, movies, blah, blah, blah! I love people, learning new things, and always progressing to be a better person.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Why Jack Bauers Life is WAY more interesting than mine!

Jack Bowers Life In One Day


Monday

12:00 A.M. - 1:00 A.M. - Jack Tranquilizes A Fellow Agent And Blackmails Him To Get The Information He Needs.
1:00 A.M. - 2:00 A.M. - Fends Off Two Snipers Then Cuts Off One Of Their Fingers To Print It.
2:00 A.M. - 3:00 A.M. - Uses Computer In His SUV To Scan The Snipers Fingerprint.
3:00 A.M. - 4:00 A.M. - Finds Encrypted Information On The Keycard
4:00 A.M. - 5:00 A.M. - Chases Down and Captures Second Sniper.
5:00 A.M. - 6:00 A.M. - Breaks Second Sniper Out Of Jail To Get More Info.
6:00 A.M. - 7:00 A.M. - Exploits The Traitor On The Team
7:00 A.M. - 8:00 A.M. - Assembles Gun For The Assassin Against His Will
8:00 A.M. - 9:00 A.M. - Stops Assassination Attempt
9:00 A.M. - 10:00 A.M. - Escapes Custody of FBI
10:00 A.M. - 11:00 A.M. - Kills a terrorist Accountant and Tourtures Man Who kidnapped His Wife.
11:00 A.M. - 12:00 P.M. - Gets re-instated until midnight to stop terrorist threat.
1:00 P.M. - 2:00 P.M. - Uses special bat shark repellent to subdue exploding shark.
2:00 P.M. - 3:00 P.M. - Writes his name in the snow with his own urine in cursive.
3:00 P.M. - 4:00 P.M. - Eats an entire box of nails and shits out a birdhouse.
4:00 P.M. - 5:00 P.M. - Kills an entire terrorist camp by himself commando style!
5:00 P.M. - 6:00 P.M. - Rescues his wife and daughter.
6:00 P.M. - 7:00 P.M. - Bare knuckle boxes a Wolverine because he was bored.
7:00 P.M. - 8:00 P.M. - Finds out there is a second CIA mole.  
8:00 P.M. - 9:00 P.M. - Exposes second CIA Mole!
9:00 P.M. - 10:00 P.M. -Kicks Ass!!!!
10:00 P.M. - 11:00 P.M. - Takes Names!!!!
11:00 P.M. - 12:00 A.M. - SAVES THE FREAKING WORLD!!!!


My Life In One Day

Monday

12:00 A.M. - 9:00 A.M. - Sleep Soundly Until A Loud Fart Wakes Me Up.
9:00 A.M. - 9:15 A.M. - Shower.
9:15 A.M. - 9:30 - Go To School.
9:30 A.M. - 10:55 A.M. - Math Class
10:55 A.M. - 11:55 A.M. - Homework
11:55 A.M. - 12:00 P.M. - Drive Home
12:00 P.M. - 12:30 P.M. - Lunch
12:30 P.M. - 1:00 P.M. - Rent The First Season Of "24"
1:00 P.M. - 1:15 P.M. - Realize That I Could Have Watched The First Season For Free Online...Sulk For 15 Mins.
1:15 P.M. - 5:15 P.M. - Watch First Disc of "24" Season 1.
5:15 P.M. - 5:45 P.M. - Dinner (microwaved Chicken Alfredo)
5:45 P.M. - 6:00 P.M. - Contemplate becoming a CIA spy like my new Hero Jack Bauer.
6:00 P.M. - 7:00 P.M. - Practice Counterterrorism tactics and Hand to Hand Combat.
7:00 P.M. - 7:30 P.M. - Give up on dreams of becoming CIA spy and watch The Simpsons instead.
7:30 P.M. - 8:00 P.M. - Inexplicably start crying when a touching Geico commercial comes on.
8:00 P.M. - 9:00 P.M. - Watch the Tivo of the B.Y.U. Vs. T.C.U. game and realize why I don't like putting hope into a football team.
9:00 P.M. -  9:30 P.M. - Second dinner (Microwavable Lean Cuisine)
9:30 P.M. - 11:00 P.M. - Brush up on my hand eye coordination by playing endless hours of violent video games.
11:00 P.M. - 12:00 A.M. -  Asleep in a banana chair still holding video game controller after having passed out in my own sweat, tears and shame.

So in conclusion don't watch the riveting series "24" because you will realize what a spinning vacuous void your life has become.


Thank you,

Neil Hiatt