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I love music, books, movies, blah, blah, blah! I love people, learning new things, and always progressing to be a better person.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Things I Never Thought I Would Hear...Until I Worked At Blockbuster

Have you ever had or overheard a conversation and immediately thought, "What the Fu#K was that all about?" Ever since I started working part time at Blockbuster I've had several of those moments. Here are a few that I will share with you.

1. A conversation between two women talking in line about a bachelor party her husband was throwing that night:
Lady #1: "So, are you mad about your husband's party?"

Lady #2: "No, I don't even care about the strippers. I just want the house clean for the baby blessing tomorrow. You know how it is though, party hard Saturday because Church is on Sunday."

2. My co-worker's sister was having a baby. Mind you, I had only known this person for a few hours when she yelled the following statement to me from across the room:
My Co-worker: "Neil, my sister is dilated 7 centimeters right now."

My Brain: "GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

My Mouth: "...oh."

3. While I was stocking shelves I heard a woman say the following about why she didn't want to rent a certain movie:
Woman: "I love Meryl Streep, but she is just SOOOO liberal!"

4. A little boy, around 8 or 9 said this while looking for a movie with his babysitter:
Babysitter: "How about Tommy Boy? You love Tommy Boy."

Non P.C. Boy: "That's Gay. All of these movies are gay, and you are gay for liking them."

5. A random statement I could never agree with:
Man with Bad Taste in Comedians: "That Larry the Cable Guy sure is funny! Get-er-done!"

6. All DVD and Blu-Ray rentals are $4.00 for four days. It has been that way for over a year now, but this woman decided to complain about it to me anyway:
Cheapskate Woman: "Four dollars for a movie rental?"

Me: "Yes, it's $4.00 for four days. So really only a dollar a day."

Cheapskate Woman: "Fine! I will do it this once but I am NEVER coming back here again."
(Cut to a week later, when the same woman is renting her third movie for that week.)

Cheapskate (and now unable to follow through with a threat) Woman: "Four dollars for a rental? Are you serious? I am NEVER coming back here again!"

7. If you don't have your Blockbuster Card we can use your driver's licence to pull up your account. If you don't have either a Blockbuster Card or driver's licence, I can't pull your account up. But some people are wary of giving me their driver's licences for some reason...:
Me: "Hello, do you have your Blockbuster Card or driver's license with you today?"

Afraid I Will Steal His Identity Man: "Why do you need my drivers licence?"

Me: "Well, if you don't have your blockbuster card I need it to pull up your account."

Still Afraid I Will Steal His Identity Man: "I've never heard of that."

Me: "It's just store policy, sir."

Continually Afraid I Will Steal His Identity Man: "I will just take my business elsewhere."

8. This one gets "The Most Awkward Award." I was standing at the register when two men from the same ward ran into each other. Note - I was standing literally in the middle of this conversation:
Guy #1: "Holy crap, (Guy #2's Name Deleted) how are you?"

Guy #2: "Oh, (Guy #1's Name Deleted) I didn't see you there. I'm good! What's new?"

Guy #1: "Just returning some movies. Where is (Guy #2 wife's name deleted)? We haven't seen her around this week."

Guy #2: "She is visiting her father."

Guy #1: "(Gasp) Is he sick?"

Guy #2: "No."

Guy #1: "Is it a family function?"

Guy #2: "No."

Guy #1: "When will she be back?"

Guy #2: "...Never. She's not coming back."

(There was an excruciating pause here, I am talking about a half a minute of silence as Guy #1's eyes looked as if they would pop out of his head. For some reason this is where I decided to contribute to the conversation...)

Me: "For only $3.00 more you can get a 20 oz. soda, a box of candy, and a popcorn."

(In my panic, I decided the best thing to do while these two men and myself were trapped in what might possibly be the most awkward conversation of my life, was to up-sell candy, popcorn, and soda to Guy #2...classy...always classy.)

9. A woman had just moved into a new ward and was having trouble, so a fellow member was giving her counsel (it was sweet, really...but the word choice was poor.)
Helpful Man From Ward: "There are a lot of good people in this ward. People desperate to reach out and touch you...so please, let them touch you."

10. Finally, my personal favorite, there was a customer leaving the store who had just rented a movie...this movie...
Zalman King's Body Language








































From what I can gather on IMDB and from the gratuitous box cover, Body Language is a series revolving around a strip club aptly named, "Body Language." One review about the show says, "It features some really good nudity and simulated sex...shows full female genitalia..."
I only mention this because while the man who rented Body Language was about to exit the building, another customer from across the room called out to him:
Man Calling Out: "Hey Bishop! It's good to see you!"
Bishop Who Just Rented Soft-Core Porn: (Turns around) "Good to see you too..." (abruptly leaves the store)
(I could see someone not knowing what they just rented and mistakenly picking up something like that on accident...but, with the picture on the movie's cover, the name of the film, and the distinct description on the back of the box...I'm going to skip giving this guy the benefit of the doubt.)
So, in closing, please be aware of what you say in public settings. Because you never know who might be listening, watching, and wringing their hands together in anticipation to post your insane lack of people skills on the web.

4 comments:

britums said...

bwahaha really with pushing your wares in the midst of that awkward moment. You're fantastic!

Bradimus Prime said...

Full female genitalia, by who's standards... I mean what a funny collection of experiences.

Miranda said...

I think you'd like this site (maybe you have some stories to submit):

http://www.fmylife.com/

General Mills said...

Dude Blockbuster is nuts. A little advice to that bishop, rent those at Redbox or even better Netflix.

I love hearing people fight at Blockbuster about what movie their going to rent and then both end up compromising and getting something crappy like Scary movie 4.