High School

"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country." - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Not long ago, I was having a discussion with my step-brothers (to save their embarrassment, I will not disclose their names). Let's call them Jake and Zack C.

Wait, that's too obvious...how about J & Z Corbett? Yes, that will do just fine. (For the record, I know that is a Simpsons joke.)

J, Z, and I were having a discussion about college.

(No, not Jay-Z the rapper, smart ass.)

We started off in typical fashion, jawing over class schedules, professors, and academic degrees in general when I brought up the point that I love college infinitely more than high school. My hatred for all things high school couldn't even be measured.

Growing up in Payson, Utah, I wasn't afforded the best learning environment.

Between teachers who were arrested for drug possession, foreign exchange students who made a terrorist video tape after 9/11, teachers sleeping with students (I graduated with this one), firearms at basketball games, and an overall attitude of "I don't give a shit" from 95% of my teachers, it was hard to really like my high school. I had educators who would put in a video and then fall asleep in their offices. It's cute for one day, but how many times can you really get a "message" from watching The Great Gatsby?

Anyway, I was surprised to find that my comment about hating high school was only met with an awkward silence. Z shuffled his feet for a moment and then sputtered, "I...I liked high school."
"Yeah," J added. "Me too. I wish I could go back there."

Z agreed to this statement by nodding with extreme approval.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is where my mind exploded...
















(Much like this)

They actually WANTED to go back to high school?

"Why?" I scoffed through my remaining neck hole.
"Well, you know..." Z stated, apparently not hearing my scoff.

"It was fun. All of your friends were there and you could just hang out," J offered.

This is where I stopped the conversation. I couldn't--and still can't--believe that people pine over something as trivial as HIGH SCHOOL.

When I was in high school, I couldn't wait to get out! I had a lot of friends who were in high school with me, but I still didn't want to spend my days in what could be called a glorified day care center.

Remember how important everything seemed in high school? Every stupid little squabble over who had nicer clothes or more friends? Remember how you felt when you realized none of it was important? I was 14 when I realized that fact...and that's probably what I hated the most. It was fake, a sham. High school is the snake oil salesman of importance.

The more I thought about why anyone would want to "relive" high school, the closer I came to the realization that high school was probably all these people had to begin with.

It's the people who, after graduating, come back the next year and hang out in the parking lot or talk about how awesome they were in high school.

No offense to J or Z, (or to Jay-Z) it's just that they seem to have really defined themselves by who they were in high school. It seems, at least to them, that high school was the peak of their popularity and self-importance. They look back on those days as the best of their lives...but what does that make their present?

Fortunately, that's not the way I see the world. I had great experiences in high school...but I still wouldn't want to go back and relive my "glory days." I would prefer to push forward and create new memories, new experiences, and meet new friends. I can leave the conceded drama of high school behind me and be content in what happens now.

Once again, I love my family members to death...but let high school go because it sure as hell has let go of you.

For My Sister

There is a war going on in the workplace...
A war between employers and social networking sites.

Recently my sister Brittney has become a casualty of that war.
Her office has blocked off social networking sites such as myspace and facebook, leaving her to toil away at her job instead of updating her status and playing farmville like God intended.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel my beloved sister!
They haven't blocked off BLOGS!

So I give you this gift to keep your mind from exploding at work...I give you...PAC-MAN!



Arcade Games
Enjoy!

From Your Loving Brother,

Neil

So Many Crazy People...So Little Patience

A friend of mine, Spencer King, posted on Facebook the other day a very disturbing video.
It was of a young "stand-up comic" by the name of Nick Madson, headlining a local club.

Here it is (Warning: Explicit Content)

The disturbing part of said video is that none of those jokes are his own. They were stolen word for word from great comics such as Patton Oswalt, Dave Attell, Maria Bamford, and Richard Jeni to name a few (the last comic, Richard Jeni, tragically passed away in 2007).

Patton Oswalt exposed the charlatan in a two-part blog series here, Part one, and here, part two.

Apparently, Nick had written an "apology" letter to Patton Oswalt stating that the show was a benefit show for a struggling theatre and that he only used those acts because he was a last-minute add-on to the show and didn't have his own material...all of that would have been understandable, if any of it were true...which it wasn't.

In part two of Patton's blog, he researched Nick's supposed fundraiser story by calling the opening acts for the show and emailing the club itself. Everyone responded with a resounding BULL-SHIT!

Come to find out Nick Madson had been paid by the club, as a headliner, and had told everyone and I am quoting from Mr. Oswalt's blog here, "He [Nick] claims to have been a guest on Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn, and to be one of Comedy Central's 100 Greatest Comedians, and to be filming a one-hour stand-up comedy special for Comedy Central in the fall, and also claims to be a writer for me [Patton Oswalt], Louis C.K., and Dave Attell."

Now this is where the story goes out of the realm of joke-stealing-upstart and into terrifying pathological liar and Sociopath.

WOW! Okay, sorry for the long intro; I just wanted to give you the example that sparked this debate within myself. I brought up the Patton Oswalt vs. Nick Madson issue to shine a bright light on the topic of Sociopaths.

A Sociopath (now more commonly known as Antisocial personality disorder) is an individual who has little or no remorse for his or her actions and will have personality traits such as pathological lying, showing "sham emotion" (much like the fake remorse shown by Nick Madson), and doing everything in their power to call attention to themselves, no matter what the cost (be it phisical or emotional manipulation), just to name a few.

According to Dr. Martha Stout's book The Sociopath Next Door , 1 in every 25 people is a possible Sociopath. A staggering number, to say the least, especially if you know a lot of people.

I, myself, knew a person who fits those exact descriptions. We were best friends from the ninth grade until I was twenty. And after six years of "friendship" it is absolutely mind boggling to think of the bullshit this guy spewed out.

For the sake of anonymity, we will not call this person by his real name. Instead, we will call him Assface McDouchetart.

Assface McDouchetart was a liar...and not your average liar who lied to keep out of trouble or save someones feelings, but a liar who did it to make his otherwise boring and non-existent personality look better.

Here are just a few examples of lies he told...

1. "I was adopted" - Not true

2. "I am 1/8th black" - Really 1/8? That's one half of 1/4...that's almost nothing...not to mention that it's not true.

3. "I'm Irish" - Really? Wow you are a genetic lottery here! Just because your STEP FATHER is Irish that doesn't make YOU Irish! My step father is German does that make me a part of the father land now?

4. "I was shot in the back with a shot gun a while back." Then, after being asked if we could see the scars, he said, "I have special skin, so it healed up..."

What the F$#K?!?!? Special skin? What are you, an X-man? There is only one person with "special skin" and it's not you...it's this guy.

5. How about the time he told everyone he went on tour with my band as its "merch boy," when, in fact, he stayed home while I went on tour.

6. How about when he started talking in a Chicago accent when the band I was touring with from Chicago was here? How about when he started talking in Ebonics whenever someone who was black was around?

7. Also, he told people that he was in the Russian drug trade. - Jesus Christ, seriously? The Russian drug trade...in Utah? Doesn't seem like the most marketable place for Russians to traffic...I could have believed a cartel or something, considering our distance from the border...but Russians? Well, Sarah Palin, how far are the Russians from your house in Utah?

8. Here is the big one...he told everyone that he had a tumor and that the doctor said he had one year to live? He borrowed money from his friends for "medical expenses" and would go into "seizures" whenever he didn't get his way? And when that year had come up, he was fine. Then, he said that his tumor "comes and goes." Well, here is a medical fact...tumors...DON'T JUST COME AND GO! That would be a FUC$ING MIRACLE!

These are just a few of the lies ONE PERSON told. And what shocks me the most is even after he was caught LYING ABOUT A TUMOR! Most of his friends still stuck around...insecurity at its finest.