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Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Anti - Classy


Pronunciation: \ˈkla-sē\
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): class·i·er; class·i·est
Date: 1891
Definition: Having or showing class: as A: Elegant , stylish a>B: Having or reflecting high standards of personal behavior a>C: Admirably skillful and graceful.

If you are like me, which let's face it you probably aren't, when you think of the word "Classy" it may conjure up the image of aristocratic men (or women) clothed in fine suits and pork pie hats (or dresses & powdered wigs). These men/women are comfortably resting in warm leather arm chairs, sifting Brandy, reading the new yorker and discussing gentlemanly things.

Like this...(See figures 1 & 2)

These esteemed captains of industry, blue blooded nobles sum up all that it truly means to be classy.

But, it unnerves me greatly to inform you that we as a society have steered far away from the 1891 definition of "Classy" as shown above. (Just so you know, this blog is in jest, somewhat, so calm down. When I say classy I mean classy as in gentleman like or courteous not as in the actual sense that we should label people by class).

It seems that the upper crust surrounding America's proverbial Apple Pie is littered with burns and rotten fruit.

As masses we flock to American Idol and reality television to suckle at the tit of mediocrity; while entertainment with real wit, humor, and story writing gets cancelled after a few episodes. You bow down and worship elitist whores like Paris Hilton and uneducated zealots like Sean Hanity. You raise political figures on both sides (be it republican or Democrat) to God like status while ignoring that we as a people are the engine that makes this country run.

It's as though people everywhere are de-evolving into "The Anti-class" of America...and I mean everyone, not just celebrities.

So without further ado, my list of things that make us "The Anti-Class."

1. The Faux Hawk - Yes, it was probably great when you were 19 and playing in an Emo band your freshman year of college but please...please stop! Take this guy for example, not only is he sporting the Faux Hawk but he is flashing a gang sign while wearing a button up shirt....really? So he's obviously not in a gang but is borderline douche bag (I say borderline because note that his collar is not popped). And this is what brings me to my next Anti-Class...

2. Douche Bags - At one point in history this word simply meant feminine hygiene product...but then there was an onslaught of self-absorbed chode lickers enough so that they got their own definition in the FREAKING DICTIONARY! Merriam-Websters defines a Douche bag as "an unattractive or offensive person." or as the dictionary of Neil defines it See: The cast of The Hills, Laguna Beach, Chris Angel, and Justin S. from my last B.Y.U. ward. For more clarification on what a Douche Bag is please direct your attention to the picture below.
If you have any of these traits then...
And I can't stress how much the "Livestrong bracelets" bug me. Not because the idea behind them isn't a good one, it's that most people wear them as a fashion statement and probably have never even known someone who suffers from Cancer, let alone helped out by donating time or money.

3. P.D.A - No, not the personal organizer...P.D.A. stands for Public Displays of Affection. Now, don't get me wrong...I don't care if you hold hands or even give your girlfriend/boyfriend a small kiss or peck every now and then...but, when you are in public or in a room with more than 2 other people DON'T MAKE OUT!!!! WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? And I'm not just talking about teenagers, I'm talking about grown FU%$ING ADULTS! I'm 23 and I see people who are older than I am full on making out in a public setting...I'm sorry but it's tacky, rude and AWKWARD! Are you 12? Really, are you sure you're an adult? Because, you are acting like you are in study hall.

And don't give me that, "We are just showing our love" crap. That's like agreeing when a douche bag says, "You're just jealous because I am too real and you can't handle the heat I am throwing down." (Actual quote from an actual Douche Bag).

Here are some examples of OKAY P.D.A and NOT OKAY P.D.A.!


Holding Hands, pecks on the cheek, one or two small (tasteful kisses) that is okay...anything more than that...get a DAMN ROOM!!!!

Not OKAY!!!!

WHAT THE HELL???? My girlfriend and I cringe when we see these douche-tards doing this IN PUBLIC! When we want to be intimate we respect those around us. I don't understand what makes people want to do that in front of other people. Are people like this so emotionally needy and starved for approval that they will do this crap in public?

4. Reality TV - This is a big one...If you turn on the television during the day and especially at night it is littered with talk shows, game shows, and scripted "reality." These are shows that thrive off of people who slander, backbite, and prostitute themselves out for a few minutes of fame. It replaces classic REAL entertainment like Arrested Development, Pushing Daisies, etc.

with shows like Judge Judy, Survivor, and the American Idol.

Here is a List of "Reality TV" that is so bad it makes Jesus and Buddha cry.

1. Paris Hilton's My New BFF - You'd think she would have made more friends in prison.
2. American Idol - quick hint...the attractive half talented one wins.
3. The Hills - Everyone hates me and I hate my high profile fashion job, now I know how Ghandi felt.
4. The Real World - 7 douche bags live in a house together...who cares?
5. Laguna Beach - Oh my God, my trust fund is only going to be $2,000,000...now I know how Gandhi felt.
6. Amish In The City (Seriously...it was on TV)...nuff said.
7. Survivor - I hope they vote off that bitch Karen.

This is where I am going to stop...not because I can't find more things wrong with the overall dumbing down of America but it makes me queasy to write this.

So What Have We Learned?

1. No Faux Hawks (Gross)
2. No Douche Bags (Seriously)
3. NO P.D.A. (Be tactful)
4. Stop with the Reality T.V. Already!

Thank You,

Neil Spencer Hiatt 2/24/09

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