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I love music, books, movies, blah, blah, blah! I love people, learning new things, and always progressing to be a better person.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Things I Have Accomplished or That Have Been Accomplished In The Amount of Time It Took Me To Find A Parking Space

Eighty dollars!

I'll say it again,
That is how much it costs for a yearly parking pass at UVU.

Fifty minutes!

Once more,

That is how long it took me to find a parking space today! The only parking available was the "Free Parking Lot" that is so far away from the school it requires an airport-style shuttle.

To demonstrate the distance between where there was parking left and where my classes are held, I have made a diagram.


I arrived at school like I always do, twenty minutes early. I didn't find a parking space until thirty minutes after classes had started. This is not beneficial to my education, my finances, or my faith in the new university status my college has been given.

Here are a few things that I could have accomplished (or that have been accomplished) in the span of 50 minutes or, in some cases, less.

50 Minute List

1. I could sand and mask the entire front end of a mid-sized sedan. (Approximately 50 minutes)
2. I could have gotten to class on time, taken notes, and not missed a quiz. (30 minutes)
3. I could have avoided the lecture about punctuality that followed. (At least 5 minutes)
4. The Anglo-Zanzibar War. An entire war that was over in less time than it took for me to find parking at a university in Orem, Utah! (A little over in 45 minutes)
5. I could have gone through the McDonald's drive-thru 5 times. (10 minutes each time)
6. I could have jogged off the fat from the McDonald's meal at the gym. (30 minutes on a treadmill...but who am I kidding?)
7. I could have watched all of the first act and most of the second act of The Departed. (50 minutes)
8. I Photoshopped Thomas The Tank Engine into a hoopty in less than fifty minutes. (Less than 50 minutes)
9. I wrote a letter of complaint that will never be read by school administration. Yeah, I'm that guy. (50 minutes)
10. I could have loaded 16 individual bullets into a 9 mm clip and blown out the back of my skull. (50 m...BLAM!)

Now here is the list of things I could have bought with eighty dollars.

$80 Dollar List

1. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 for the PS3. ($59.99)
2. One pair of jeans from The Buckle. ($72.50)
3. 8,000 penny candies. ($80)
4. Sauteed duck in Port reduction sauce, a Gulf Shrimp cocktail appetizer, and a whole bottle of Cabernet. ($65 for the meal $15 for the tip)
5. I could have paid for a massage for both Erin and me. ($40)
6. I could have paid for one massage with a happy ending for me. ($80)
7. I could have bought twenty previously owned DVDs. ($80)
8. Donated $80 to a charity of my choice. ($80)
9. Taken Erin out on a nice...ish date. ($5, no tip)
10. Bought the gun and bullets (see list item #10 on 50 minute list above). ($80)

Either way I was screwed out of almost an hour of my day and $80 from my bank account.



Anonymous said...

Define "a happy ending" please...

Neil Hiatt said...

Here is how Urban Dictionary defines "Happy Ending"

Warning Explicit Content:


Peggylize said...

Hi there ! I've just spend the 10 better minutes of today, reading some of your posts... Seriously, thanks.
Peggy, from Paris.

Neil Hiatt said...

Hi Peggy!

Thank you for reading. :-)

General Mills said...

You know I actually graduated from UVU with out ever paying for parking. I parked in the free lot for 4 1/2 years because I'm a total cheap skate. Whenever I go downtown I always park super far away because I just hate paying for parking. I could never live in NY city. I would go crazy.