Letter From Camp # 2

Letters From Camp Part 2

Letter 2

Dear Famn-Damily,

Well it seems like we have had a miscommunication. Apparently sarcasm doesn’t translate through the written word for some of you...that and I may have over-exaggerated a little in my last letter and would like to clear the air. I would like to let Mom know that I am flattered and thankful that she thought to alert the police to the situation, as unnecessary as that turned out to be. After discussing the letter with Head Counselor Chip, the camp therapist, and the state police, they have decided to let me stay here at Camp Sacajawea under the condition that I write a “retraction” in this letter.

First off, we weren’t literally “stripped naked” when they weighed us in yesterday...but, to be fair, they did make us take off our shoes. Second, one person did call me “moobs,” but it wasn’t a counselor, it was my bunk mate Richard (who, for the sake of argument, has larger “moobs” than I do). He’s a nice guy actually, just a little rough around his rounded edges.

Third, and final, I didn’t black out like I said I did (but that d-bag Head Counselor Chip DID pop his glass eye out into my hand, which was gross and scared the crap out of me). On a positive note my letter did get me a new mattress, since the old one was mashed up something fierce from its prior owner...so that’s good, right?

I’m sorry for any stress that I have caused. It’s just that I am still a little confused as to why I have been sent here when everyone else seems to be free to have a more relaxing summer. And by “everyone” I mean Cheryl.

Counselor Chip did come through on the grub last night. We ate burritos with organic pico-de-gallo. The food’s not that bad. That doesn’t make it In-n-Out Burger, by any means, but it’s still a meal. I am surprised at what kinds of food we are served. It’s just like the food at home, only in more controlled portions.

While we are on the subject of food, today we met with the camp nutritionist/physician, Dr. Karen Folmack. She is in charge of setting up our diet and meal plans for the whole camp. She took a BMI (Body Mass Index) then ran me through some tests. She had me run on a treadmill for 30 minutes and then do a series of pushups, sit-ups, and lifting various weights in fifteen-minute intervals. She said this was to test out my stamina and durability. Hours later, when I woke up in the first aid hutch, again, I was told that I blacked out...just kidding. I did get really winded though. Dr. Folmack says that will not be the case in the coming days, so that’s good, I guess.

I feel kind of bad for some of the other campers, though. The kids are all different sizes, and while I might be a little “portly” (as mom puts it), there are some people here that really need some help. There’s this kid, Jacob, his parents had to bring him here in a special van because he couldn’t fit on the bus with everyone else. When his parents pulled away, everyone was staring at him. He tried to look strong but last night...I thought I heard him crying.

Tomorrow they promise to set us up with our personal fitness coaches, and we get to choose what activities we want to do. I’m thinking of hitting up the rock wall and maybe kickboxing. They offer a swimming class here, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to remove my shirt just yet. It was hard enough to do that in front of Dr. Folmack.

Well that’s enough for tonight. They’ve assigned all of our bunks with different animal names. We are the otters, and we have to make shirts and a chant for flag ceremonies tomorrow.

Well, I have to get to bed. Otter is Hotter!

Love,

Billy

P.S. Could you guys send me my friend Jared’s address? They don’t have e-mail here, and I wanted to write him a letter. Thanks again.